Thursday, May 19, 2011

Empty Lot of the Week-- May 19

G. Fred DiBoner Lot

1919 Market Street

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               Did you read that address? That's at 20th and fucking Market!!!! WHY HAS THIS BEEN AN EMPTY LOT SINCE 19 FUCKING 90?!?! You would think that SOMEONE would do SOMETHING that would go the distance at this lot, but NO... we have to settle for this Pasture of Rotten Pussy, this Barren Wastleland of Nothingness, this Picket-Fenced World of Pigeon Shit.
               In the skyscraper boom of the late 80's early 90's, when the G. Fred DiBona Building next door was built, the plan was to build an identical twin right next to it. Shit changed and it never ended up happening. I'm glad it didn't happen. It would look funny to have two sets of identical towers next to each other.
               This hairy ass of a lot stayed shitty all the way into the next skyscraper boom in Philly, started off by the St. James. New and different skyscraper plans came and went into this horrible Lawn of Shame and Loathing:

Didn't fucking happen.
Definitely didn't fucking happen.
            Brandywine Realty Trust must have had too much brandywine, because now they're throwing their hat into the game. They just purchased this Desert of Development for the bargain price of 9.3 million dollars. They're being bitches about letting anybody know what their plans are, but at this point we know it will be mixed-use, which means that it will probably have three apartments and a Lidz store. They'll probably try to be cool and go for some kind of bullshit LEED certification by putting bike racks in the bathrooms and a giant recycling bin on the roof. 
            At this point, Brandywine could build pretty much anything and I'll be satisfied. The key for this lot is height. If you're going to be between two skyscrapers you'd better give me something with some meterage to it. It doesn't have to be a supertall or anything, just something that will give the skyline a little respect. Here's my design for the lot:

The Fuck You Building
                 My design incorporates an organic, sustainable material: solid rock. The form is one that is iconic to Philadelphia and serves as a welcome point to the business corridor on Market Street. It's a LEED-Kryptonite certified design, incorporating a surrounding ocean of air. Tenants will get exercise climbing rope ladders up to the offices at the top of the folded fingers. The top of the middle finger will be a LEED-Spiderweb certified open-air condo accessible by an organic, sustainable ladder made with recycled human fingernails.