Fill This Front: Kaufmann's Event Hall

1323-25 South Street

Owned by a doctor that works down the street

Is this shitty storefront, anything but neat

People say it was built Nineteen Eleven

But really its from Nineteen Thirty-Seven

That's back when Segal's Nickelodeon fell

And then this was built after it went to Hell 

I'm sure back then in its day it looked just fine

Designed by architect J. Ethan Feldstein

For the Kaufmann Family to make some bread

Event hall with apartments-- low overhead

 Over decades the Kaufmanns made a huge stack,

Also owned the Rodman Street house on the back

In the Mid-Twentieth, the hood went to shit

Huge projects built nearby did not help one bit

When Kauffman's event hall was left in the lurch

 Came Macedonia Congregation Church

The last use I think this building's ever had

And if I'm right about that, it's fucking sad

This shitbird is Forty-Five Hundred square feet

With a nice parking space off of Rodman Street

Access from the 40 Bus and Broad Street Line

 You'd think this would be able to fill just fine.

Although very few of their names are supplied,

A great many have failed, but many have tried

Theater troupe, tanning salon, Juniper Bar

Just a small few that tried but could not get far

Ev'ry time, things managed to get in their way,

Two even got approval from ZBA

So what the hell is wrong? How can this be?

After all these years and nearby building spree

That someone can't come along and save this spot

From all the shitty blight, plywood, trash and rot

Call that number on the sign and say it sucks

That the place is empty... then offer 5 bucks

Take a risk like it's a fucking baseball bunt

You can be the hero that will FILL THIS FRONT!!!