Thursday, May 26, 2011

Empty Lot of the Week-- May 26

The Great NIMBY Memorial

Bounded by Front Street, Second Street, Pine, and Lombard. Surrounded by NIMBY houses. 

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                   This is a goddamn atrocity. This is it. This is the Empty Lot that will unequivocally stay an empty fucking hole in the universe for all eternity. It will stay an empty lot until the weeds overtake the concrete and grow into massive trees. There will be alligators living there before anyone dares try to develop this lot again.  It'll become a damn wildlife refuge. 
                    This Sea of Assquility is located in Society Hill amongst some rich motherfucking people. Therefore, rich motherfucking developers see it and say "Wow!! A big-ass empty space in a prime location! Imagine the possibilities!! Why hasn't anyone else thought of building here!?! What could possibly get in my way!?!?!" The answer: the NIMBY. 
                   This lot was once home to the Pine Street Quaker Meeting House, then home to a bunch of Victorian homes. That all got knocked the fuck over in favor of a horrible failed shopping center called NewMarket.It was such a piece of shit that most Philaphiles barely remember it. Just the name send shivers down our spines.
I guess they thought that if they wrote it sideways it would be better. Dumbasses.
He's like "Isn't this awesome! This could never fail! NEVER!!"
                  After NewMarket got swallowed up by the Earth, the NIMBY's that live nearby and adjacent to the huge property decided that they would never, EVER, let anyone build anything there ever again. I'm not going to rehash the stories of how they managed to stop pretty awesome projects from coming through because it will cause me to break my computer and hurt people. You can read about all the drama here or here and that's just about one project!
                What a crazy bunch of motherfuckers. "Wah Wah I moved to a city but didn't want tall buildings within view of my house!" and "Wah Wah I'm so rich I can't stand not getting my way." Before a plan is even officially proposed, they will go into FIFTY meetings with a developer and bitch about little details of the construction as if they're all experts on urban planning and architecture. They will whine about how historic looking their neighborhood is even though it has little pockets of late 20th century horse-manure-looking houses. They will complain about the height, width, breadth, sidewalk, apartment size, tree species, colors, and wheelchair ramps of any new project with the hope of making the developer throw up from the smell of Brill Cream and leave.
                 If that doesn't work, they'll sue. Sue their fucking brains out. Use their millions in pocketchange to starve any developer who dares to be nice enough to still work with them despite their harassment. Do you want to see NIMBY's in action? Go to any civic association meeting in the city. Watch as hopeful entrepreneurs are shouted away over every detail of their well-laid plans. Listen as the NIMBY spouts arrogant lines like "I've lived in this neighborhood 746 years this fall..." and "An apartment that size attracts the wrong kind of people to the neighborhood!".
                  Let's do a short review of plans that were proposed for this spot in the last 5 years, some of which were already adjusted ad nauseum in compliance with NIMBY demands:

They proposed five versions of this one. Dead on arrival.
Oh, look how happy those people look. NIMBY's kicked this shit to the curb.
They tried again with this one. BIG MISTAKE!
                      That was just the last five years. They're have been plenty of other plans that were only published in old newspapers and shit. See if you can find any! We'll make a collection. In conclusion, fuck these people and fuck this lot. With a wooden spoon. 

1 comment:

  1. Start an underground movement to encourage illegal dumping there, it'll raise such a stink (figurative and literal) they'll suddenly cry out "This wouldn't happen if it was developed!!" :)

    AND would result in less dumping in shitty parts of the city too! #winwin