Thursday, April 14, 2011

Empty Lot of the Week

8th and Market aka The Disney Hole

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                Everyone in the city knows that the most forlorn and depressing empty lot around is the royal shitstain located at 8th and Market. Formerly home to Gimbels’ Department Store, this plot of land has had about five million development deals fall through it like a pile of shit through wet tissue paper.

Those two guys in the foreground are like "What a grand day to be alive. I hope no one puts a big fucking hole here. Pip Pip Cheerio!"

Look at what Market East was like before the Gallery fucked it all up. Gimbels’ moved out of this building in 1977 into the Gallery and promptly went out of business 10 shoplifting years later. This building sat around for 20 some years until this Frankenburger or whatever his name comes along trying to turn the corner into some kind of Disney entertainment area. They knocked this fine building the fuck down and created the great asshole of America, the famed Disney Hole.
When Disney’s deal fell through, the lot came into its current state as a big fucking parking lot in the middle of Center City. Every once in awhile Morkenberger says he has some plan for the lot, until he goes to the site, looks around, and screams FUCK NO and makes his driver speed back to New York for his afternoon Pilates class.
What does the future hold for this lot? Lots of cars parking. If SCRUB has its elderly way, the lot will stay a parking lot in perpetuity. Will there ever be a skyscraper here? If there ever is one, it should be designed as an ode to all the whacky schemes and half-developed ideas this lot has been subjected to over the years. They should call it the Disney Hole Tower or the A Beat Up Old Gimbels' Was Better Tower.
At this point, I'd rather have a life-sized drawing in crayon of the old Gimbels' building on a giant cinderblock wall facing the street than what's there now. I'd rather see a Museum of Elephant Turds. You could call it The Hall of Dumbo's Dumps. I'd rather see a skyscraper made of Duplo blocks. A big pile of used tires. A standalone TJ Maxx. ANYTHING but a big-ass block-spanning surface lot. Fuck.

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