Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Butt-fugly Building of the Week

Jefferson Alumni Hall

1020 Locust St.

Yeah, really invites you in.

              Ok, look… I know the 60’s were a bad time for architecture, but there’s no excuse for this giant piece of rat shit. Jefferson isn’t exactly known for great buildings (though two of their buildings, the Main Building and the Curtis Building aren’t bad), but this is by far their worst. This Orange Orangutan of Bricks looks like a Super-max Prison, not an education building. Where were the NIMBY’s (and I happen to know this neighborhood has them in abundance) when this Great Wall of Fuck-ups was thrown together?
              I thought this building was bad when there were parking structures across the street… then when they built that Lubert Plaza, I realized its full fucked-uppeditude once I could see its full frontage straight-on. Look at those super-tiny windows. Must suck to have an office with a window a mosquito couldn’t fit through. I appreciate that it is surrounded by a garden, but the garden is 4 feet up in the air on top of a dirty-ass pile of concrete that will only look worse with time.
             I got excited last fall when this shitpile was covered in scaffolding. I thought they might be sprucing up the fa├žade with SOMETHING that would make it better. All they did was re-point bricks and put a new sign on the front without removing the markings left by the old sign. They also installed those weird blue flags that are on every Jeff building nowadays. IT ACTUALLY LOOKS WORSE THAN BEFORE!
             In 1968, I’m sure this building looked modern as shit. People were like “Yay! 6-inch wide windows! That’s what every building should have!” and “Yay! If the University folds, they could turn that into a Maximum Security Prison!” and “Yay! This reminds me of my domicile in Soviet Belarus!”
              The problem is that buildings like this just don’t age well. They look dated in a year and once they get dirty, forget it… they look like a baboon’s ass. Remember that the next time you think about buying one of those ugly-ass newfangled rowhomes with boxes all over them.
Jeez... even on a sunny beautiful day it looks like a bum's rotten foot.
  

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