Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Fill This Front: The Murano

2101 Market Street

Taste the Rainbow... of shit!!!
             Is there something going on here that no one is aware of?  This barren bastard has been sitting here, looking exactly like this, for the last SEVEN YEARS. Back in the day when the Murano was first built, people gave this front a free pass. They saw how all the surrounding blocks were full of horsetrash so it was understandable that this 7,500 square foot storefront would stay empty.
             All that shit changed in 2012, when 2040 Market (less than a block away) had both of its storefronts filled on its opening day. Worse yet, Commerce Square next door renovated their plaza and were able to get most of their fronts filled. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THEIR EXCUSE!?!?! If I was a rich motherfucker who bought one of those condos in the early days before the auction, I'd be pretty fucking pissed off that the storefront directly under my expensive-ass condo was sitting empty for 7 fucking years.
                So who's responsible? Well, at least currently, the space is managed by Metro Commercial Real Estate, who have failed miserably at getting this big-ass space next door to a supermarket located one block from a trolley stop and accessible by some bus lines. Also, foot traffic. Oh, the foot traffic. Again, WHAT FUCKING EXCUSE DO YOU HAVE? Is the location cursed? Ghosts? Rats? Roaches? Invasive vines growing through the floor!?!? What is it?
              Well, Metro Commercial-- I'm here to help you. Even though you'll never thank or pay me, I will now sell this storefront, no doubt getting a commission for whoever hasn't been doing their job getting this place filled. Here we go...

           This is the Murano Condominum singular retail space at 2101 Market, located at the northwest corner of 21st and Market in Center City, Philadelphia, PA, United States of America, North America, Earth, Sol System.

                This is a massive 7,500 square foot space that could hold anything from a high-end clothing store to a car dealership. The interior boasts super-high ceilings and, due to being encased entirely in glass, is brightened with sunlight throughout the day. There are 302 residential units directly above the space, filled with upper-middle class to dangerously upper class people with oodles of disposable income. There are also hundreds of residential units in the surrounding blocks, all filled with people that have plenty of dough burning a whole in their pocket, itching to get out!
                So its shaped a little weird. So is the whole building! Stop being such a wanker about it. The odd shape of the space could lead to your store being one of the most unique in the city! That's not all... directly next door is the most overcrowded Trader Joe's on this side of the Mississip. Sometimes the line just to get in the door wraps around the block! Take advantage of these customers with your own store that can serve a need that Trader Joe's doesn't!
                 Not only is this space visible by the loads of foot traffic that passes by, but about 21,000 cars, trucks, and buses pass this location each day. That's 21,000 customers you haven't reached yet! Also, five trolley lines stop one block away from this location, serving 120,000 people per day. Throw a little ad up in the 22nd Street stop and your customers will beat their way off the trolley and up the stairs just to come running into your store! Make sure to re-enforce the giant glass walls to make sure none of them come running straight through your windows-- because they'll want to!!!


               This is Metro Commercial's site for the space. After looking at it for a grand total of five seconds, I see why some out-of-towner who saw this listing wouldn't want it. The photos shown in the listing are renderings from before the building was even built. Outsiders wouldn't even be sure if the building got built or not. Maybe it would help if they actually put up a price point instead of just "negotiable", but what the fuck do I know?
               C'mon, MetroComm. Put in a little more effort into getting this and your many many many other vacant CC storefronts filled. You need me, some random shitbag architecture and development nerd, to sell these spaces for you pro bono on his own damn blog? Well, I will. I will because I care more about having a vibrant Center City Philadelphia than you guys do. Step it up.

Not pictured: Your store!!

1 comment:

  1. Things like this.... why don't the owners just subsidize the cost of the retail? Rent the entire space for $1000/month just to fill it over those 7 years. Would have been better than making $0.