Thursday, March 8, 2012

Butt-Fugly Building of the Week-- March 8th

The Barnes Foundation Philadelphia Campus

2001 Ben Franklin Parkway

Those trees need to bloom right fucking now.
                     Man... I was really excited when I heard that the Barnes Foundation was moving to the Parkway. I'm not going to rehash all the drama that unfolded about the move, because fuck that, it's OVER! The motherfucker is almost done. Unfortunately, the building we ended up with looks... like... ASS!!!!!
                     THIS is what we were all waiting for all those years? THIS is what we get after winning World War Motherfucking TEN over moving the collection here? I remember the excitement I had waiting for renderings to come out for this thing. I kept thinking about how the old Barnes building was cool as fuck, so the new one would have to be cool as shit, right? Then the renderings were revealed in October of 2009.

Uh...
Wait a minute...

Yeah....
                     HORRIBLENESS. I started telling myself that it was good, just underwhelming in the rendering. I pretended that it wouldn't end up looking like a big white shipping container sitting on a suburban bank branch. Even as it started going up, I told myself that it'll look good. Well, now that its almost done, I can be assured it saying that it LOOKS WORSE THAN I EVER COULD HAVE FUCKING IMAGINED!!
                
Pictured: White shipping container on a suburban bank branch.
                Let me be fair... the building's not done yet. Maybe something will be different when its done... maybe that white box is covered with white craft paper on the inside that will be removed when its finished. Maybe the landscaping of the Zen Garden will be so badass that no one will notice the building... I'm fuckin' reaching here!!
                What's with that facade? All the time I've been writing this blog, I would rag on how buildings need to have stone facades again, like in the old days. Finally a new building comes along with a stone facade and all it ends up doing is proving me the fuck wrong. It looks like a kitchen counter. I thought it was bad when we were building stuff out of sidewalk, now we're building out of countertop!!
                 You know what would have been a good design for the new Barnes Foundation? THIS:

 Image from the Athenaeum of Philadelphia
                   That's right... they should have built a replica of the old Barnes building on the Parkway. It was designed by Paul Phillipe Cret, designer of plenty of other shit that's already on the Parkway, the old Barnes design would look perfect between his other masterpieces... which not only include buildings but also the lampposts and shit. Makes perfect sense right?? Instead, we all got dicked. Maybe some awesome piece of public art will distract away from the building... oh wait..

Those rendering people on the right are like "Let's get the fuck out of here!"
                      ...nope. That's all I can say about this mess. What a missed opportunity for something cool. What fucking bummer.

14 comments:

  1. Looks like it could be a penal institution...maybe a Youth Study Center? Good spot for one.

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    1. Yes yes yes! Its like they updated the YSC. lol!

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  2. Although the aesthetics are...less than satisfying, that's not my biggest complaint with the new Barnes. I thought that what it looked like would be irrelevant because it would bring some much needed urban vitality to the Parkway. But, for some reason, Tod and Billie thought it would be a good idea TO MAKE THE BACK OF THE BUILDING FACE THE PARKWAY. There's no entrance on one of the most important axes in Philadelphia. Instead the entrance is next to a parking lot on the other side of the building. This isn't the suburbs, this isn't a goddamn strip mall, this is the BARNES FOUNDATION. And for this egregious misstep I ask, What The Fuck?

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    1. To my understanding, the new museum was required to face the same direction as the old one.

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    2. If that is true (and it may well be, as I know a lot of restrictions were placed on the new design), it's a damn shame. I'd like to place the blame on Williams and Tsien, but if they had no say, I'll give them a break (although, not for the rest of the design). Speaking of their firm, why was a New York office hired to design something so distinctly Philadelphian?

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  3. Thank you. Someone needed to say it. To me it looks like what Ivana Trump would have done with shiny marble if she hadn't been so busy destroying every intact Edwardian bathroom in New York. I don't know why they didn't just move the Barnes. They moved bigger and more complicated buildings, or reconstruct it, as you say. I will never set foot in this monstrosity.

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  5. Ditto about the rear entrance. This building is now the Trader Joe's of the art world. No thanks. The Emperor Wears No Clothes...

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  6. Considering I don't ever plan on actually going into this thing, I'll just appreciate the cool glowing box on top. Glowing things are cool. Cooooll....

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  7. It looks like someone drove an 18 wheeler into the building. There's still time. Maybe someone will.

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  8. Looks like the Clinton library fell on it.

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  9. The public "art" kills me. I hope that's just some architect intern's sample in the rendering and not one of the outdoor sculptures that will be used to compliment the masterpieces inside. I actually wouldn't hate this building if it wasn't for the giant robot boner sticking out the front door.

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  10. I was very disappointed when the renderings came out. Now that it's built though, it has grown on me a bit. It's a shame we couldn't have had a Second Empire, Neoclassical, or Beaux-Arts design, but it is what it is. This could have been worse.

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  11. Looks like a semi. Almost as disgraceful as the new MLK memorial.

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