Thursday, July 12, 2012

Butt-Fugly Building of the Week-- July 12th

Democratic City Committee Headquarters

221 Spring Garden Street

                         Butt-Fugly Buildings piss me off, but NEW Butt-Fugly Buildings make me raaaage!!! It really cheeses me when a corner that's been itching for a proper building finally gets one and its... this. This boring white piece of garbage. On a corner teeming with both car and pedestrian traffic... on a corner right next to the EL, we get this pile of geometrically formed birdshit. What the fuck were they thinking? Are those shipping containers? Legos?
                        Look, I don't like to get political on this blog. I don't delve very deep into the issues that our city's corrupt entrenched political machine create on a daily basis. It makes it even harder not to get into a political rant when a shady political group decides to build an ugly piece of horsetrash on one of the city's primary arteries... thanks, dicks.
                       The Democratic City Committee is one of the last surviving old school city machine politics organizations left in the country. No matter what political stripe you may claim, having one party in power for six decades isn't good for anybody. In fact, one of the reasons that the Democratic City Committee formed in the first place was so they could fight the decades-strong corrupt Republican machine that once ran the city... ironic that they have become the very thing they were trying to fight.
                     Located at 1421 Walnut Street for more than five decades, the committee is moving to this butt-fugly pile of assturds after selling that old location 2 years ago. One of the most disappointing things about this design is that the architect was the Varenhorst firm... I usually like their stuff, but they definitely dropped the ball on this one. Since the bulding has not finished construction, its only fair that you see what it's supposed to look like when its done:

Like shit.

Cover it with all the plants you want, still looks like ass.
                      Ok, so there's supposed to be some greenery in/around it and there's supposed to be trees out front. So its still a shitty fucking design that looks worse than 99% of the crappy suburban office parks in the region. What bullshit. They couldn't liven this motherfucker up just a little bit? Is this really the message the DCC wants to get across? Vote for us so that one day you may also reside in a white square domecile?
                 This motherfucker reminds me of the houses from the dystopian future you see in a stupid-ass Jack Chick tract. What in the hell were they thinking? They could have got away with this ugly building on one of Northern Liberties' many many other underutilized lots... why did they have to throw it down front and center on Spring Garden Street?
                  Then there's this whole thing on about Finnegan's Wake next door. The bar is supposedly a favored watering hole for the committee... also, a committeeperson owns it. They're currently engaged in controversy over their renovation plan, acquisition of Bodine Street, and sweetheart deal they arranged to attempt to get public funds for the project. Yeah, no dirty dealings there.
                  So this is another message the DCC wants to get across? We're such wastoids that we built our new headquarters right next to our favorite bar? Are that you that much of drunks? Are you gonna set up a puking station in the lobby so your committeefolk can let loose after drinking their lunches? Jeez...

Oh, and there's a surface parking lot on the back.. way to integrate yourself into the neighborhood.
                     Goddamn... the motherfucker is completely white! Its looks like its made of coke... not the good kind, the narcotic. Have any of you ever noticed what happens to bright white buildings in this city? Especially ones facing high-traffic streets? Go look at the Gallery at Market East and get back to me.
                     The biggest piece of suck about this building is that every politician that has any chance of getting voted into any office in this city has to kiss the DCC's ass and fondle this building's balls. No one of importance is ever going to be able to tell them how ugly their building is. That's a shame.
                     Thanks for the shitty building, dirty political machine. At least the old machine knew to mask their corruption behind 14-foot thick walls of kick-ass architecture. What the fuck is your excuse? Have fun getting plastered at Finnegan's Wake.


  1. What's really weird is that Varenhorst would come up with a design that suggests ideas of extreme efficiency, economy, and self-effacement for the fucking DCC. This is like naming a hospital's maternity wing after Kermit Gosnell.