Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Butt-Fugly Building of the Week-- September 20th

Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts (aka Annenberg School Center for Communication Arts and Sciences)

3680 Walnut Street

Ah jeez. Image from Microsoft.
                     This piece of shit really boils my balls. This is a theatre? This is a center for arts? Then why does it look like a center for donkey taint? I know the picture above is really showing the back of it. Well, guess what? That's the side that anyone ever sees.... the blank wall that faces Walnut Street. The front entrance that faces toward the Penn campus ain't no picnic either. I'm sure nice shit goes on inside there, but fuck, that's an ugly building.
                     What happened to cool looking theatres? Really, what the fuck happened? The Academy of Music, the Musical Fund Hall, the Walnut Street Theatre, the three Chestnut Street Theatres, the Trocadero, the two Forrest Theatres, the Broad Street Theatre, the Victoria, the Boyd... these were built to be attractive and attract people. This motherfucker makes even the Kimmel Center look like the fucking Chrysler Building. It's not very inviting to have a giant blank wall and a diagonal wall of windows facing everyone.
                    In 1966, the Annenberg School of Communications at the University of Pennsylvania needed a space for performances. Walter Annenberg, the mighty business tycoon-philanthropist, gave over the dough to build and run the place. This crazy motherfucker was so rich that he wiped his ass with more money than this thing cost. Seriously, this guy was so loaded that he could have funded a performing arts center 10,000 feet tall made of platinum.
                  The school, for some dumbass reason, decided to go with Vincent Kling for the architect. Vincent Kling is responsible for some of the ugliest piles of concrete lard in the city and he made no exception here. I would call him Vincent Klingon, but Klingons have way better architecture than this shit.

Model of the place before it was built.
                   Look at that picture above. You're telling me that whomever was in charge of this shit looked at that and approved it? Was the person blind? Drunk? A bribe? WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! Someone fucked up. By the grace of Lucifer, this piece of shit was built in 1971.

The main entrance when it was new. Told ya it was crap.
                       This building makes most my previous Butt-Fuglies look like masterpieces. Ass I say! Ass. I'm pretty sure the dump I took this morning is superior architecture. I'll call it the GroJLart Center for the Performing Bowel Movements. Take that, Kling.


  1. It's awful inside, too. The carpet is this horrible orange color, the lighting is mostly fluorescent, and the theater part is like an afterthought-- the main space, the bit with the tall atrium, is a foyer that mostly gets used for wine-and-cheese fundraising events, during which they kick out all the students who want to use the Arts Center for, you know, artistic activities.

  2. Walter Annenberg Farted when it all started
    long before the art he carted away

    A gangster's son doing time, making amends for his father's crime
    he married three times trying to get it right but left no son for his own birthright
    long before the art he carted away

    Taste in art just can’t be bought
    neither can class for it is not that way
    long before the art he carted away

    The Barnes Foundation had a smarter man at the helm
    and a dog that could sign one out and sign one in
    long before the art he carted away

    When Albert C. Barnes went to France
    Walter Annenberg farted in his pants
    long before the art he carted away

    The Philadelphia Inquiry lied now and then
    covering up the fact that Barnes was in
    while Annenberg pomped with great circumstance with the Queen England
    Barnes was in France picking up art that made Walter Dance like a green eyed monster as he farted in his pants for days
    long before the art he carted away

    Barnes wrote a will that made it clear
    his art collection should steer clear
    of Annenberg’s sway

    So the Annenberg Foundation along with the Pew, Rimel, and Perleman to name a few other Jews
    Coveted what Barnes had created with his two bare hands
    So they quietly cooked up a state backed takeover plan
    that included hoodwinking a Judge and the IRS
    you can see in the Film The Art of the Steal as it lays out their crooked-arced deal
    As Annenberg farted from his grave
    long before the art he carted away

    As we look back to the end of the second World War
    And the Jews were looking to settle the score
    The Monument Men met the call, rounded it all up
    and put the Jews art back up on the wall
    Much was stated about
    Never again
    For the sacrifice was great for many a good men and the evil of the war was one big sin

    But that was before Annenberg farted and tried to play collector
    as his collection paled to that of Barnes’ which was made of honey and nectar

    And the $30 Billion dollars that they did steal
    would make Trump look like a chump in the Art of the Deal

    Everybody altogether now say:

    Now Say it Again:

    Walter Annenberg’s will said his own collection would go
    up to New York City when he grew old
    But his was only worth a billion bucks,
    For Barnes this was a mere drop in the cup

    The moral of the story for those in the know
    Is to hide your art before you go
    And make sure there’s not a Jew lurking about
    Trying to get even with Hitler without a doubt

    Walter Annenberg Farted again and again
    but just couldn’t erase his father’s sins
    and the foundations’ principals that stole the Barnes Collection you know
    will meet old Walter in hell where they all will surely go
    as Walter Annenberg farted
    along with the art he carted away

    by Jack Holland http://www.thelastamericannewspaper.com